You all. My friends are great. You check in on me. You ask me how I’m doing. I’m so blessed by all of you.
I love to tell you about the things I’m doing. The blessings in my life. New accomplishments or leaves in turning over.
It’s interesting. I am in a good place. I’m being intentionally proactive in regards to my seasonal affective disorder. I’m making good foood choices (you know other than the frequent Ben and Jerry’s), I’m going to the gym and working with a trainer, I have a “solar” alarm clock and other lights that are programmed to support my daily schedule and activities, I open windows wide on sunny days and click on the happy lamp on grey days. I tan for heat and light therapy. I meet regularly with my counselor and touch bases with my doctor and take my prescribed medication.
On some days though I’m particularly aware of the less friendly or hard feelings that lurk just around the corner, or just outside that realm of happy, happy positive vibes. It’s like in the show Legion. The guy with the glowing eyes. I’m aware of how, if I’m not careful or proactive enough it might mean that I encounter the dark and hard. Maybe, I’m afraid of the hard feelings in the same way I’m afraid of the the creepy guy with glowing eyes. We seem to co-exist though, in a relatively peaceful manner. “You stay over there” I seem to tell it, “and I’ll stay over here.”
Though, I watched the movie Inside Out this last week. Spoiler alert. (And really, if you haven’t seen it yet, go watch it now.) So, I’ve seen the movie many times, but this time I became hyper cognizant of the way Joy is pushing joy and happiness onto Riley. She tells Sadness to “stay over there” within the constrains of the circle drawn on the ground. I became aware of how empty that felt. I kept thinking about how that’s such a bad idea because those feelings are going to grow and become harder to deal with if she doesn’t pull them out now.
Then, at the end when Joy realizes how important it is to let sadness drive, how when Sadness drives that’s how people know to help. I cried big, alligator, tears.
I very much believe that the words, intentions and actions we put into the world are the seeds we put into the world to come to fruition. When I speak using positive language about myself and others, I will feel positive and therefore my experience will be positive. How do we pursue a balance in this. A balance in speaking positivity, kindness, and joy while giving appropriate homage to sadness, anger, and fear?
I suspect the process, like any worthwhile process, is one that will require a significant amount of ongoing, prayerful and meditative consideration. I look forward to the conversations I hope this initiates with all of you, my people, my tribe, my community.