Tuesday, June 4, 2019

Hold Discomfort

When I was a kid, if we said we were unhappy about something, mom’s response was “You should write a letter.” Dont like your circumstances? Take action. Do something differently. I’m grateful for this now. I’d like to think it has made me an active participant in life rather than a bystander. 

However, there is one area where this circumstance changing, action taking might not be helpful. Grief and discomfort. I’ve now read several books (and am chewing my way through Rising Strong) that discuss completing the grieving process, sitting with the grief and going through it not around it, sitting in discomfort so that you might face it head on and “rise strong.” 

But it’s so. Uncomfortable.  
And interestingly it means allowing myself to simply be. It means that maybe,  this time, I need to not take action. 

I currently still experience deep grief at the death of my mother. But if I stayed busy, got married, got my teaching credential, moved, got my masters...that grief, that discomfort would stay abreast. I feel grief and discomfort at the loss of my partner and the shift in the dynamic of other relationships as a result. But I had my masters to finish. A school year to finish. I had trips.  Taught extended school year. I read books. Books to help me understand myself and to know myself and others. Actions to take to change or improve my circumstances. 

But these actions seem to have impeded my cycle completion. 

How do I hold discomfort or sit with grief when my instinct says so strongly to get away, to change my circumstances. 

Is it possible to be intentional about doing nothing. Intentional about just being? What does that look like? How does that sound? If you have ideas or have insight to processing this I value your thoughts. 

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